


Heaven Looked Up at Us

by foreverpants



Series: cold coffee, warm universe [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Prequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:30:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverpants/pseuds/foreverpants
Summary: In the midst of struggling with her sexuality, Tobin Heath meets Alex Morgan, a girl she has chemistry with. Literally. And then she wants to spend the rest of her life with her.(Prequel to Cold Coffee, Warm Daydreams, but it doesn't matter which one is read first.)





	1. the way things are

**Author's Note:**

> hi. have fun. :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The classic realization.

You were fifteen when you realized you weren’t straight.

It never popped out at you before, it just kind of fell into place. The only thing you knew was that being gay was wrong. If it says so in the Bible, it must be true. 

Ah, yes, God loves everyone*.

(*As long as they are straight and cisgender.)

But God does.

You’ve known God and only Him, yet you seemed to be clueless when it came to yourself.

You’ve loved God all your life. From the moment you were born, a Bible was shoved in your hands and you learned to love it. Everything you do is for God. You try to connect everything to God. If you have a problem, you first go to God. God is everywhere in your life.

You were scrolling through a magazine. It might have been  _ Seventeen, _ and it was the summer edition. This meant one thing: shirtless people.

You were semi-excited to pretend that any of the male celebrities had something you liked. They had decent bodies, but it wasn’t there. You liked their bodies and thought they were cute, but you wouldn’t marry them.

You could appreciate their beauty but you wouldn’t want to really do anything with any of them.

So, your first reaction was wondering if there was anything wrong with you. As far as you could tell, there wasn’t.

You were a normal teenager. You hung out with your friends and went to school. You got crushes on boys and did nothing to tell them. That was normal to you because it was your life.

Something was off.

_ Maybe they’re all just ugly, _ you thought. Photoshop maybe made them worse.

You groaned as you passed yet another shirtless white boy. You did not care. They were the equivalent to dry toast.

Then, your life changed.

You didn’t even  _ know _ where that girl was from, but it hardly mattered. Maybe it was from a TV show or maybe she was in a band, either way, her stomach was  _ great. _ She was nearly perfectly tanned, and  _ her hair,  _ Jesus Christ (sorry), her -- nevermind.

You let yourself enjoy the moment. When were you ever going to look at someone that great?

You were brought back into reality quickly. “Tobin,” your older sister, Katie, called. You heard her coming up the stairs, so you immediately threw the magazine in no particular direction. “Tobin, hey, you aren’t sleeping this early, are you?”

“Uh, no,” you responded, “I was just about to read  _ Harry Potter. _ Or the Bible. I was staring up at the ceiling.”

She sat down on your bed. “Tobin, you’re acting super weird, I hope you know that.” Well, you did know it.

“Me? Weird? Normal is my middle name,” you said, smirking a little afterward. Your middle name is Powell! Silly Tobin.

You didn’t even know why you acted as odd as you did. Perhaps it was that you found a girl attractive, got heated about it, and didn’t know what it meant. You were not supposed to overthink things like this.

“Tobin, you always just ignore literally any problem that comes your way. What is this?” she asked. She desperately wanted to know.

“I’m.. uh, hungry.” You dashed out of your room and down the stairs.

You had a normal dinner that night and said grace or whatever Christian families do. You thanked God, but hollowly. You were off that day. That’s all.

No one else noticed, but Katie kept looking at you. You choked down every bite of food and headed upstairs. You took a cold shower, hoping it would take your mind off everything.

You did not like girls.

That was your only thought. Nothing could distract you from it.

You forced yourself to sleep after you showered. Your door was shut and locked so that no one could bother you. You even tossed the magazine away.

_ Forgive me God, for I have sinned. _ You cannot take this back.

You had a nightmare that your parents figured it out. Being who you were at the time, you couldn’t fall asleep again, so you turned on the dim light and read  _ Harry Potter _ because the Bible was too much that night.

Sundays passed Sundays and God remained in your life, but everything still frightened you. You were basically sixteen now. What were you supposed to do about this?

You could not stop noticing girls. Even when you just went to the grocery store or walked to your best friend, Megan Rapinoe’s, house. Girls were there and you were attracted. You nearly fainted the first time you saw a girl you found attractive in real life. You imagined a life where, if she was not a stranger, she would have been a nice girlfriend. But that only happens in the movies.

You kneeled on the pew and asked God for forgiveness for this sin. It was a sin, it had to be, God said so. God was unmistakably right.

But God also said that He loved you without a question. God said that you have been saved, and God was unmistakably right.

You decided that you could not change it because that is not what you do to yourself. God would not want you to.

You learned to accept it to the best of your ability eventually, or at least the fact that you could not change it.

Even your parents realized how weird you acted. Everyone did. So, being the great parents that they were, they confronted you about it. Your soul left your body at that moment.

“Tobin, we’ve been noticing that you’ve been really tense for a while,” your mother stated, “so what’s wrong?” This was in the living room on the leather couch. You were curled up exactly across from them in your own comfy chair.

You kind of had to be honest. The worst that could have happened is that your parents disowned you and you moved in with Pinoe. “I’ve been thinking a lot,” you explained, “I’ve found out a lot about myself.”

Katie’s eyes were on you. “Do tell, Tobin.” She urged you on.

“Uh, I don’t know how to put it.” Your parents looked so concerned. You began to feel guilty. “It’s not that important.”

“Tobin, of course it is. We love you,” your mother said. You thought she knew then.

Your dad stayed silent, probably to predict what you were going to say. Nothing could have prepared them.

“Well, I, uh…” Your face reddened, although having the tan really helped keep it kind of hidden. “I think I’m gay. No, I don’t think that, I take it back. I know I’m gay. That sounded awkward, sorry. I take it back again. I’m gay.”

There it was, and you wanted to puke. Everyone knew now.

You watched them all stare at you. Their faces showed pure disbelief. Your entire family was there: your sisters, Katie and Perry, your brother, Jeffrey, your mom, and your dad. They were all staring at you. They knew.

Coming from a highly Christian family, you did not expect them to like this. You hoped that, at the very least, your siblings would be fine with it. You expected nothing from your parents.

But God was on your side.

“Tobin, we love you,” your mom said. Their gut feeling proved right.

There’s always that idea that parents just know when their kid is gay. Perhaps it’s true. Maybe they just knew. But you’d hate for them to say that they’ve known all along. You didn’t even know it, how could they?

“We love you a lot, Tobin. I don’t want you to forget that,” your dad added. You were literally about to cry. Mostly, you were overwhelmed and embarrassed. “I’m so proud of you.”

Your siblings nodded in agreement. You could feel tears and although everything seemed fine, you wanted to lock yourself in your room. Maybe you would have felt better if you didn’t come out. There wasn’t really any reason for you to.  You felt safe before and uncomfortable after, and it wasn’t like you were even in a relationship.

Pinoe didn’t even know. She’s your  _ best friend _ and she never caught on to how you found every single guy unattractive and just generally fit into all the lesbian stereotypes. No, she thought you were like that other girl at your church, Jaelene Hinkle, the uneducated bigot. You were the opposite.

“I didn’t think that you would be so okay with it,” you confessed, “I just felt wrong hiding it.”

“Oh, no, no, Tobin. We know we can’t force you to be who you aren’t. Whoever you are, we love you and whoever loves you,” your mother told you. Her voice was shaky.

Katie had to interrupt. “Come on, is that what was bothering you? Tobin, you should know that we love you, no exceptions,” she scolded jokingly.

“We’re definitely… surprised,” your father mentioned, “but we love you no matter what. You’re our little Tobin.” You were always going to be.

* * *

 

There was someone a little different from you, though. She plays an important role in your life today, but before you knew each other, she hardly understood herself. You two were as different as can be.

Unlike you, Alex Morgan has always kind of known. She never  _ tried _ to force herself to be straight or hide it; she was lucky. Still, coming to  _ real _ terms with it was hard for her too. Probably not half as hard as you, but everyone handles things differently.

She was with her friends at the beach. You won’t ever know the full story, but Alex told you snippets. She does it often, when she’s at a dinner party with heterosexuals or when you inquire, which you do a lot. You just like hearing her talk about her life before you, because she lived that life. You lived a life before her too. And knowing what happened before helps understand and appreciate what you have.

Alex had her speculations, but she just wasn’t sure. She could have turned to Kelley O’Hara, her best friend who was  _ boldly _ proud of her sexuality. She could have turned to the Ally of the Year, Sydney Leroux. She probably could have even talked to her sisters. She had all these people, but she just didn’t turn to any of them.

Anyway, Alex, like you, saw a really attractive girl, but at the beach, not weirdly in her own room in a magazine. She wasn’t a loser. It was summer, you two lived in Los Angeles, so the girl had a nice tan going on. Alex liked that a little too much. So she didn’t mind it at all.

“Damn, look at that girl,” Kelley said, apparently making fake binoculars with her hands and checking the other girl out. The girl leaned over, and  _ God, _ that was a great view for Kelley, who half-jokingly moaned.

Alex sneered. “Kell, come on, leave me some people!” Alex shouted, pushing Kelley into the sand.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Alexandra Patricia Morgan, I thought we had an unspoken agreement that I got the girls and you got the guys.”

She shrugged. “Hey, maybe I like both. Or, maybe I just really hate dicks. Who knows?” It was that casual. “But I hate you the most, so don’t count on it.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t waste my breath,” Kelley told her. “So, my best friend loves girls nearly as much as I do? Sweet, we can go on double dates and your date won’t find me and my date weird.”

Alex chuckled and said, “I guarantee that anyone would find you weird regardless.”

Kelley obviously had no negative reaction considering her love for girls as well. She merely ignored Alex’s remark and pulled her in for a hug. “Totally proud of you for telling me.”

“Thank you, Kelley. Now, if you tell literally anybody else, I will literally kill you in the middle of the night.” Kelley was genuinely threatened.

Alex told her parents a few weeks after that. They were, like your parents, surprised. Alex was in plenty of relationships (with guys) before, namely one with her friend, Servando Carrasco. Everybody thought they were going to get married. On the outside, they seemed perfect for each other, but both still had their inner conflicts. He was nice enough, a wonderful guy, even, but if she couldn’t like him, then she couldn’t be blamed. It wasn’t her fault that it didn’t feel right.

Neither of you could anticipate what you two would experience in the following year. Junior year is the hardest year for most people, but not for you. You’re Tobin Heath, you can do anything in the world if you can get Alex Morgan wrapped around your finger. And you can.

You will.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lovely! the prequel to ccwd. read that too. thanks also thanks for reading this chapter! i'll see you in like probably a month. unrelated: i only missed one question on my apush test/final thing so i have an A!!!! i'm so #blessed.
> 
> follow me on tumblr: oharatrash.tumblr.com


	2. finding her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin comes into contact with Alex Morgan and Pinoe doesn't approve. Also, everybody knows she's gay, apparently. And that scares her.

Your class schedule was anticlimactic.

First period. Chemistry. As fun as it was, you are a much bigger fan of Physics, you know, inertia and “what goes up must come down.” All that nonsense.

Despite your love for it, it wasn’t something you could see yourself doing as a career. You don’t know what you’re going to do.

Period 1 - Chemistry, room 200, teacher: CHASTAIN, BRANDI  
Period 2 - AP Physics, room 205, teacher: RAMPONE, CHRISTIE  
Period 3 - Honors French 4, room 602, teacher: GEORGES, LAURA  
Period 4 - English 3, room 513, teacher: FOUDY, JULIE  
**LUNCH**  
_Period 5 - AP US History, room 508, teacher: HOWARD, TIM  
_ Period 6 - AP Calculus AB, room 407, teacher: FAWCETT, JOY

Thank the Lord. Six classes. You might just survive this year. Except you probably will not because half of your schedule consists of AP classes and, also, your French teacher is insane.

Your best friend, Megan Rapinoe, still better known as Pinoe, approaches you, a wrinkled, blue paper in hand. It’s supposed to represent her schedule. She looks at yours and gasps dramatically, clutching at her shirt.

“No! I’m stuck in English with Tobin Heath… And French. Fuck. I’m dropping out,” Pinoe says, throwing down her schedule. It falls at your feet.

“Why are you still taking French? You suck at French,” you tell her, kneeling down to pick up the now dirty schedule of Megan Rapinoe. She scoffs. You glare at her. “Say one thing in French.”

She strokes her chin as if that’ll help her think of something. “Oui.” She thinks this is funny. A smirk appears on her face.

“Fuck you.”

“Bet you want to,” Pinoe says with a wink. Ew.

“I’m not letting you copy off me,” you inform her.

“¿Por que? Necesito tu tarea para ganar en vida,” she pleads. You’re in a telenovela. It’s not even first period on the first day of school and your life is already falling apart.

“That’s not even French. And it’s not even good Spanish either.”

The bell rings before she can respond. She dashes off to whatever class she has. You inevitably will see her later. With your maroon backpack slung over your shoulders, you head for your first class.

Room 200 is like every other science classroom; eight lab tables against the walls, desks facing the front lab table, and the eyewash center, chemical shower, and fire blanket all in some specific location. The routine begins again.

“Good morning!” Ms. Chastain greets. You look around. You’re the first person in there besides Dom Dwyer, a kid in your grade who came to America in the eighth grade. The ladies swoon at his British accent. You admit, it’s very nice.

It also doesn’t change the fact that he looks like the biggest douche to ever cross your path. He’s a nice kid, but he wears bro tanks and khaki shorts _every single day._ The top of his hair (just the top!) was (when he came to America) blonde, the sides were shaven slightly. He was one of those guys that shaved lines in his hair. And he played soccer (football?). Never trust soccer players.

“Where do I sit?” you ask Ms. Chastain. Her eyes travel the seating chart below her and points to the seat behind Dom. You don’t protest. You just walk down the thin space between columns of desks until you reach yours.

He says hi to you, you say hi back. It’s the end of it. It’s more of both of you wanting to be polite rather than actually interact.

More people come in as time passes and you hope somebody that you know is in your class. There totally are, they just all sit on the other side of the room. Also, it’s Jaelene Hinkle, so you don’t know if you really want to go over there.

There are a lot of things wrong with her, just to generalize the matter. She can never stay in her own business at church. Whatever anybody does, she’ll walk on up there like the person she’s bothering is wearing a “please, walk up and disturb my prayers” sign on their back. She can’t even keep her mouth shut about any of it. Her parents manage to find out everything about everybody too. If you think that they don’t know you’re gay, you’re wrong as hell.

Jaelene is too uncomfortable with the idea of two women or two men or two whatevers doing God knows what to bring it up. But similar to God, she is all-knowing, apparently. She knows how not straight you are. Is she uncomfortable? Yeah.

Don’t get it twisted, she _is_ a nice girl. She’s well-meaning and although her whole soul is Christian, she can _try_ to be progressive. She gives her best effort. Which is hardly any at all.

She’s not somebody that you would ever want to invite to your wedding for obvious reasons, but she’s nice enough to talk to. Probably not after high school, but at church and at dinners? Sure. But will you talk to her _now?_ No.

Servando Carrasco, soccer player, volleyball player, and surfer, sits in front next to Dom. Wonderful. They begin to talk about the next soccer season and how great their summer was.

You eye the clock. Your eyes burn from staring at it, but you hear somebody head into the classroom. Her backpack shifts on her shoulder. She doesn’t quite fill up every seat, but she fills up one and makes you lose all hope that anybody that you care about will sit next to you.

The silver lining to the whole situation is that she’s cute. It’s in the whole upper-middle class blonde, white girl way, but still, she’s a looker. And for the record, she’s not that blonde. You’ve seen her in the yearbooks; she started blonde in freshman year and it faded into a light brown. It’s definitely brown now.

She looks around as she falls into her seat. “This seating arrangement is oddly sexist,” she says. You chuckle as you see it. In almost every group of four, there is two boys in front of two girls.

“How is it sexist?” Servando asks. He’s _dead_. “There’s nothing sexist about this.”

“Come on! Are you kidding? Hey, even you agree with it, don’t you?” she asks you. Dom’s slouching in his seat laughing at all of this. His laugh reminds you of dolphins. The girl taps you.

Whoa. System overload. Hot girl is talking to you. Hot girl _tapped_ you. You are having a meltdown, and first period barely started.

“U-Uh, yeah. Totally,” you stutter.

“See? Even… uh, what’s your name?” she asks.

“Tobin Heath.” You want to smack yourself for including your last name.

She smiles. “Even Tobin agrees,” she says. Servando turns back around and flicks some random ball of paper at Dom. Boys will be boys, constantly idiotic. “Sorry about my _idiot friend._ I’m Alex… Morgan.” She includes her last name to be courteous.

You want to say that you kind of know who she is, but you also want to tell her that she’s the most beautiful girl that you’ve ever seen. Don’t listen to yourself today.

“It’s so weird that I’ve just never seen you before,” you reply, “we’ve gone to the same school for a _long_ time.”

“Right?” You nod. “So, who do you have this year?”

You show her your schedule. She gasps. “What’s so bad?”

“You have this and then AP Physics? Tobin Heath, you are one crazy lady.” She’s kind of actually sweet and really cute about everything.

“Yeah. I get that a lot.”

* * *

 

“Tobin,” Pinoe starts, “you are fucking insane. First day of school and you’ve already fallen in love?” She loves to tease you. She loves it more than she loves ruining your life.

“No! Absolutely not. She’s just really hot and really nice. Is it a crime that I find a girl attractive?” you ask.

Pinoe points a vicious finger at you. “In some places, yes. But fine, who is this mystery girl? She’s lucky. You’re really picky.”

“Alex Morgan.” You swoon just at the name.

Pinoe narrows her eyes. Her voice is flat. “Alex Morgan? Like, the popular one in our grade? Jesus Christ, Tobin.”

“What? She’s so nice! And besides, I’ve never even heard of her before.”

“That’s because you have the attention span of a pickle. She’s nice, and she’s the only one of her little goon squad that I can stand, but don’t you think she’s, oh, I don’t know, _straight?_ Jeez.”

“Hey, you never know.”

“We can safely assume.”

* * *

You survive your first day, and it actually wasn’t _that_ bad. You met a really cute girl, so that’s always a good thing. Except, you should have already met her, considering the fact that you’ve gone to the same school for years and you’re a junior in high school. But hey, nobody should judge.

You don’t have a car yet, so you walk home. It’s not the worst thing in the world. Most of the time, it’s pretty peaceful. The road is nearly always empty, but sometimes a car whips past you and reminds you that you aren’t the only person on the planet.

Today really wasn’t terrible.

Tomorrow will be great.

You see a small child approach you as you get closer to your house.

It’s your neighbor and, honestly, great friend. She stands at 4’6 and has lived ten years.

You are _sixteen._ You hang out with a ten year old.

“Hi, Tobin!” she exclaims. She has a youthful smile on her face, like she hasn’t been destroyed by anything like expectations or disappointments yet.

“Hey, Mal,” you greet her back. She is really short. You’re an entire foot taller than her. You walk on the sidewalk and she walks by your side. You have your backpack snugly fit on your shoulders. She looks up at you with squinted eyes often.

“Hi, Tobin,” she repeats, “how was your day?”

“Pretty good,” you answer, thinking about Alex and how this year is going to be great. “How was yours?”

“Good!” Yeah. Of course Mal Pugh can’t have a bad day. She’s ten. “Did you meet any pretty girls today?”

You nearly _choke._ You can feel your heart beating, and it’s beating _extremely hard._ More than when Alex touched you. “What?”

“You like girls!”

“How did you figure that out? Oh my gosh…” You stop walking and put your head in your hands. You feel a small hand on your shoulder.

“Our families are really close. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me!”

It’s comforting, but it doesn’t matter. Still, it’s good to know that her parents are open-minded. Yet, a part of you continues to be bothered. You are a topic of conversation now just because you’re gay. You wonder what they told her, how they brought it up. Did your parents tell them? You’ve known Mal’s family forever, you wouldn’t be surprised.

You used to be talked about and praised for your academic excellence and dedication to religion. You were a good kid, you might have even been the kid that every mom wanted. Now, your sexuality is a huge part of you and could define you to these people.

But should the opinion of others bother you? Should they matter? You’ve always been told that at the end of the day, it’s between you and God.

* * *

_Galatians 1:10_

_Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i've had this chapter written for, like, a long time. i will deefffinitely not be updating every single day haha but anyway i hope you all enjoyed this! thank you and i'll see you whenever i decide to write again!


	3. chasing alex morgan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend is a lovely time to fight with your best friend and go see a pretty girl!

It did not take long for you to already fall for her, only a matter of weeks. She is nice enough and you really do want to date someone. You know your chances are slim, because Alex looks like a supermodel and you seriously still have braces. As Pinoe noted before, she runs track and does cross country and whatever and is considerably popular. You run the unofficial Quidditch team at your school and go to the Physics club.

You’ve tried to gather up the courage to ask Alex to hang out, even if it’s just for studying, but you never could. She was always too far out of reach. You stutter whenever words come out your mouth, but Alex? Alex _seems_ to have meticulously planned everything she is going to say ever. But she doesn’t ever do that, because Alex Morgan can come up with a quick, witty, and flirty response to anything. Or if you’re an annoying male, she’ll make a sarcastic remark that makes you, Tobin Heath, swoon.

It’s the only evidence you have for Alex not liking boys, so you’re going to enjoy it. That, and make offhand jokes about not liking boys, but she could just hate all men. It doesn’t mean she’s not straight. Pinoe does the same thing-- snap at annoying boys. Not that any boy really talks to her unless they have to; they know she is vicious and gay. You would do the same thing as Alex and Pinoe if you were as outgoing as they were, but no, you are shy and would choke on your words.

Anyway, you found out that Alex Morgan lives in the same neighborhood as Stephen Curry, which makes a lot of sense since they seem to hang out a lot.

Stephen, or Steph, as everybody (except you) calls him, is this fantastic basketball player at your school. So far, they’ve won state for the past two years. He’s even being scouted by colleges. _Good_ colleges. Everybody thinks he’s too short to go pro, but you think they’re just being mean.

He’s a genuinely good follower of God, you’re surprised he doesn’t go to a Christian school. You’ve always seen him at church and grew up besides him, never talking to him. Your families are distant friends.

And now, he is the rich neighbor of the girl you like.

Wonderful.

You can imagine that Alex’s house is beautiful. She lives on _that_ part of town. That’s not saying your house isn’t nice, but hers must be ten times nicer. And she probably has a huge dog that she cuddles with every single night. Her parents are likely as great as she is.

Pinoe still can’t understand why you’ve liked her this long. Not only have you had about zero actual crushes on girls and can hardly differentiate how your platonic feelings from your romantic feelings, but even Pinoe thinks it’s impossible to get her. You don’t blame her. In fact, you understand her; Alex Morgan _is_ that straight girl who all the girls love. Except Pinoe.

What you can’t understand is why Pinoe won’t give her a chance. Alex has only treated you with kindness since she met you. She’s pretty, of course she is, but she asks you how your day is and tells you your outfit looks nice, even if you’re only wearing a plain sweatshirt or a flannel and jeans. She’ll eye you up and down and give you a look of approval every time. You’re pretty sure she does it to see you get flustered.

She’ll say hi to you in the halls, even when she’s around her friends. In Chemistry and other times, she’ll tell you to come support her at her cross country meets. You don’t really understand it because to your knowledge, cross country is literally just running and it doesn’t seem like it’s very possible to watch. You’ve always considered it.

You’re considering it. Alex would appreciate you. Except she always tells you she’s better at track than cross country, but you don’t really care, because none of it makes sense to you and Alex amazes you either way.

It’s Saturday.

You wake up with Mal and Pinoe both in your room. The sun hasn’t even risen yet, so Tobin Heath sure hasn’t. You don’t even know why they’re here or how they got in, and you don’t even care that much. Of course they’d be in your room and watch you sleep.

Your room is typically neat, but when you wake up, it’s a wreck. It is evidently Pinoe and Mal.

“What are you guys doing here?” you ask, not rudely, just genuinely wondering.

Pinoe sits next to you on your bed and wraps an arm around your shoulder. You pull away instantly. No thank you. “You see, Tobin, you are going to stop thinking about Alex Morgan for, like, two seconds and hang out with--”

“Actually,” you start, “I was going to go to her cross country meet.”

She looks so disappointed. “Hey, you know what? Homecoming’s in a week. If you want to try the impossible, go ask her to that. I heard she’s been rejecting Servando and Dom’s taking that other girl, so even if she wanted to prove her heterosexuality, she couldn’t.”

For somebody who doesn’t pay attention to Alex and her friends very much, Pinoe knows a lot. “She could get anyone in this entire school.”

“Not me, no thanks. I am not here for that track running scumbag.”

“I thought you said she was nice.”

“Yeah, but track runners are good at running. So therefore, by transitive property, they’d be good at running away.”

“There were only reasons. The transitive property is pointless with only two reasons. And runners run _to_ somewhere, not away. And I don’t even think you used the transitive property correctly.” You’ve just exposed your best friend.

She just shakes her head. “Fine. The meet is in, like, two hours. If you really want to do that. Personally, I don’t like embarrassing myself and ruining my reputation.”

“You don’t even have a reputation to ruin, even if you _wanted_ to,” you bicker. Being nice to your friends is a fun thing to do.

“Fair point,” she admits. “Still not good enough.”

“I will make Amy the other captain if you don’t do this for me.”

She gasps. “That’s just not fair! How am I supposed to say no?”

“You’re not.”

You might have just made her mad. “Jesus, Tobin, why do you even want her so badly? I mean, fine, I’ll do it for you, but say she _does_ say yes to you. I’m sure she’ll do it because she’s nice to you. And hypothetically, let’s also say that you end up having the balls to actually date her. Maybe you two go to prom together and you get laid. Maybe you get laid a lot. What about college? Or after? You two are completely different people, Tobes. I don’t want you to hurt yourself or waste your time.”

She isn’t wrong to think that, but you aren’t wrong to like Alex. “I know. But don’t you-- don’t you think that--”

“What, Tobin?” she hisses. She doesn’t think you understand.

You shut your eyes and take a deep breath. It’s hard to talk, even just to Pinoe now. “Don’t you think I deserve to be happy with a girl that I like? Even if it’s just temporary, I’d be okay, Pinoe. I know that I like her a lot.”

She softens. She looks back at Mal, who is twiddling her thumbs on your desk and watching you two argue. “I do think you deserve it. I don’t think she deserves you.”

“You don’t know even know her.”

“You think that you do?”

“I know she’s nice to me, and not even fake nice to get the answers. She really likes talking to me.” She looks at you sternly. “Pinoe, you get it, don’t you? You know what it’s like to have somebody like that, right? Even just for a bit. Just a little. She’s so sweet and nice, you-- you’d love her if you knew her. We’d fight over her, I-- I-- I… I think we would.” You need to stop stammering, but you just want to prove you’re right and it’s hard not to feel stressed and nervous.

Pinoe can’t stop looking at Mal. “What do you think, Mal?” she asks. Mal nods.

It’s the weekend. Of course Mal wants to help you.

Yes, it’s way too early in the morning, but you don’t have time to wait around and eat breakfast; you have to make the sign _now._ Mal knows that.

Luckily for you, your parents have nice banner in the garage. They were probably going to use it for some church related event, but you don’t really care at the moment, so it’s yours. It’s not too big. It’s small enough for Mal and Pinoe to hold.

Conveniently, there are a couple buckets of paint in the garage. They aren’t even that old.

Your parents are going to be pissed.

You write out the worst proposal to homecoming ever:

 _“Alex, I’d run a **CROSS** the **COUNTRY** to go to  _ _homecoming with you.”_

You take all the credit; you’ve been thinking about it.

Time moves quickly.

The banner is done and you’ve dried it and it looks very nice for something done in less than an hour. You hope she will appreciate the effort and not reject you, because that would probably kill you.

You get to the meet early, but go straight to the end so that Alex will not see you and your giant banner. You don’t really know how meets work, but you assume she will get to the end when she is done running, so that’s where you’ll ask her.

You also bought flowers on the way.

The plan plays out perfectly.

You go to the end with the banner. Pinoe meets you there after Mal’s part, which is basically telling Alex that she is her biggest fan (she has little clue who Alex is) and that there’s a surprise for her at the end. You hope this makes her run faster. Spoiler: it does.

Pinoe and Mal meet you at the end, which is, you know, kind of far away. Anyway, Alex is _definitely_ in the lead, but God knows where everybody else from Diamond Bar is. Ultimately, Diamond Bar will probably lose.

You see Alex coming in. She probably has good friends here waiting for her or her parents or something. She obviously doesn’t expect you.

She crosses the poorly drawn finish line. Her eyes are _wide._ She sees you with your $2.50 flowers and she sees your friends with that banner. It’s hard not to.

She runs right into you because she forgets to stop running..

Alex catches her breath before speaking to you. She has a charming smile on her face when she looks at you, as if she never even ran. You never saw somebody that genuine in your entire life. You would marry her right at that spot if you could.

“Tobin,” she starts, “that was the best I’ve ever ran. What is all this?”

You freeze. “Er, well, I-- I was wondering… I was wondering if you wanted to go to homecoming with me. Obviously. You can see that through the, uh, banner,” you reply.

She laughs, probably at your uncertainty. “I’d love to, Tobin.”

_Thank. God._

You chuckle and smile at her. “I hope this wasn’t too much.”

“It wasn’t. You’re so sweet,” she says, “I would hug you, but I’m really sweaty. You look really nice, I don’t want to make you smell bad.”

There it is again: Alex Morgan complimenting your appearance. You’re just dressed in Ravenclaw pajama pants and a grey University of Delaware pullover; Katie goes there for tennis. You aren’t as impressive or as athletic as her, but you don’t actually care right now. Alex Morgan is going to homecoming with you.

“I don’t mind,” you tell her. She pulls you in for a hug. You wrap your arms around her waist. Heaven was in her arms.

All you need to do now is find a dress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i hope you are liking this because all i want to do is produce writing that people enjoy and that i enjoy, and i enjoy reading and writing my work, so i hope i am doing a good job.


	4. fish out of water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week later, Tobin finds herself at homecoming with Alex. And it's not that she feels awkward around her friends, it's just... different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is super long oops. it's like 3000 words hahah the entire fic so far excluding this is 6000 so....... ya have fun reading.

Homecoming.

You've gone all the times before, yet now seems to be the worst for you. You were really comfortable before, now you get to see Kelley O'Hara in the car with Sydney Leroux. Clutching onto her will be Dom Dwyer, whose right hand man is Servando Carrasco. In the gym, you'll find Julie Johnston. All of them terrify you.  
  
You can only wish to really be a part of Alex's world. This must be temporary.   
  
Surely, you won't get the love you came to get, but you will get a lifelong friend. Alex doesn’t seem like she’s going to throw you away. She’s onto greener pastures after high school, but you’re smart, and you’ll find your meaning. There is one, there has to be. God wouldn’t put you on earth just for you to struggle with your sexuality and exist because of that struggle. There must be something more.

In truth, you don’t know what’s supposed to come out of the budding relationship between you and Alex. You know nothing about her other than what she tells you: she runs, she has two sisters, she thinks boys are stupid except for Steph (she admits even Servando is an idiot), and she loves President Obama.

2009 is a lovely year. The music? Not so much. You’ve also listened to Christian music a lot of your life, so Homecoming is always different for you.

Various songs play, some you know, most you don’t. Watching Alex dance to “Cupid Shuffle” is the highlight of your night. She makes you dance. Dancing has never been your favorite activity, but Alex might have moved it to first.

You catch glances of Pinoe. You meet eyes with her once, when you’re walking to go to the bathroom. She smiles, winks at you, holds up a finger, and sticks it in her other hand. You groan.

You need to take a break. You pull the cold handle to the bathroom door and head into the cramped room. This makes you feel even more anxious, but at least now you’re to yourself.

Until Pinoe comes in with her twin, Rachel, and Amy Rodriguez, member of the Diamond Bar Quidditch team.

“What’s going on, Tobes?” Pinoe asks, placing a hot hand on your burning shoulder.

“Uh, nothing,” you reply.

“Come on. Tell me. Is she everything you hoped for?”

You nod shyly. “I feel weird around her friends, but she’s more than I could have ever expected. She’s so nice and fun.”

Pinoe smiles. “I’m glad you’re happy.” She pats you on the back. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you.”

You would splash water on your face if it weren’t for the makeup on your face. It’s light, but you still don’t want to resemble a raccoon when you go back to Alex.

This is the most fun you’ve had in a long time; there’s something about her that just feels like possibilities.

You don’t keep her waiting any longer. You head out, see Alex resting on the bleachers with Kelley, Sydney, Dom, and  Steph. You have no clue where Servando is, which is odd only because he was in the car and he wouldn’t leave without Dom.

In the corner of your eye, you see Pinoe looking at you. She struts to the DJ.

Oh no.

After some Lady Gaga song finishes, you hear a much slower song.

Oh _no._

“Tobin!” Alex calls. “Dance with me.”

Oh _yes._

“A Moment Like This” by Kelly Clarkson. That’s the song.

  
_What if I told you_   
_It was all meant to be_   
_Would you believe me,_ _  
_ Would you agree

She pulls you in. This might be really cheesy, but you are on the verge of just pushing your lips onto hers. Not that you’d know what to do, so, no, you aren’t doing that.

 _It's almost that feelin'_ _  
_ _That we've met before_

You feel her come closer to you. You wrap your arms around her waist and tug her towards you.

So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy  
_When I tell you love has come here and now..._   


She rests her head on your shoulder.

  
_A moment like this_   
_Some people wait a lifetime,_   
_For a moment like this_   


You can feel her warm breath against your shoulder and neck.

 _Some people search forever,_   
_For that one special kiss_

It doesn’t happen, neither of you try, but you can just imagine it’d be great.

 _Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me_   
_Some people wait a lifetime,_ _  
_ For a moment like this

She pulls her head back and smiles at you with tired eyes. Alex separates from you for a moment, only to launch herself into your arms. You hold her tightly. This is an experience that could be a one-time thing.

* * *

The dance ends a little over thirty minutes after that. In that time, you realize one thing: you _really_ like this girl. And it’s unfortunate, because she obviously is comfortable enough with her own sexuality (whatever that is) to be affectionate with you, but Alex Morgan is a confusing girl and you can’t ever tell if she is actually straight or if she is gay, or if she likes you, or whatever.

You head to the front of the school with Alex and her friends. Dom pulls keys out of his pocket; he must be rich. He drives some really nice car that you don’t know the name because, yeah, you’re pretty rich yourself, but you aren’t Dom Dwyer-level rich.

“Hey, Heath, you coming for food?” Dom asks. He knows your last name. What the hell?

You think about your Christian parents very hard. Or hardly at all. “Uh…” you start. Alex looks at you pleadingly. “Sure.” She grins.

Dom drives. Sydney is in the passenger’s seat. You, Alex, Julie, and Kelley sit in the back with you; double buckling is not legal, but Dom doesn’t care. It’s not like he’s an immigrant or anything and has it harder than citizens born in the United States.

Your parents would probably hate him, but he’s a wonderful guy so far. Also, he came from England, not somewhere too exotic.

As you approach the diner, you recognize it. It’s the same one you go to with the Quidditch team. Not that there are many other diners in Diamond Bar anyway, so it’s no surprise. Still, you just feel weird going with other a different friend group when this is, like, the Quidditch team hangout.

You share fries with Alex and get a chocolate milkshake. Even if it’s eight in the morning, you’ll get a milkshake. It’ll make your stomach hurt, but that has never stopped you.

As you hold a fry up to your mouth, you see Pinoe, Rachel, and Kling. They’re arranged by height. You see Kling easily until somebody stands in front of your view. She still manages to see you.

“Tobin!” Kling exclaims. “We didn’t know you’d be here.”

“She’s with her _other_ friends,” Pinoe says. Rachel hits her arm.

You look over at Alex, who just smiles and waves at them. Dom and Sydney are too busy on their phones. Dom has arguably the best phone-- an iPhone 3GS! Sydney has a Droid, like the ones with the keyboard that you push the screen up to reveal the keyboard. Kelley is making salt drawings with Julie. You and Alex have fries.

“You guys should sit with us,” Alex offers. Pinoe looks at the others, who seem to really consider it.

“Ah, alright.” Pinoe surrenders. She slides next to you while Rachel and Kling fit in elsewhere.

For the next hour, Pinoe genuinely bonds with these people. Even you couldn’t do that. They talk about bad teachers and then about upcoming tests that they know they’ll fail. You’ve never given much thought to it, also you don’t take any of the same classes. Still, you’re glad they get along.

Dom, Sydney, and Pinoe apparently like the same band. Kling and Julie both hate Mrs. Ellis. Rachel and Kelley talk about some TV show they both watch. You and Alex share fries.

Pinoe pulls you away when everybody’s leaving. She looks around carefully, as if she’s a drug dealer. She admits, “They’re pretty fun, I’ll give you that.”

You smirk. Pinoe has finally seen the decency and fun of this friend group. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll ever see Pinoe walking up and talking to any of them outside of tonight, but at least now you can openly talk about Alex and she won’t just growl at you.

Alex calls you from the door, “Hey, Tobin, do you wanna come to my house? We’ll drive to your house for clothes and whatever.”

Without hesitation, you agree to go. Pinoe must feel like a damn proud mother.

* * *

 

You walk into your house. You’ve planned out exactly what you’re going to say to your mother. You are going to be _honest_ because you are not a great liar.

“Hi, mom. Hi, dad. I’m sleeping over at Alex’s house,” you say. You’re turning red.

They’re watching a sitcom in the living room. Your mother is reading the Bible.

“Who’s Alex?” your father asks.

“Just this girl.” No, you definitely never told them that you stole their banner to ask this random girl to homecoming. Admittedly, she’s very cute and could easily persuade them into thinking that she is a decent, wholesome person. She probably is, but you don’t know much about her.

Your dad just nods.

You look to your mother. “Corinthians 6:9,” your mother warns, “remember it. Be careful. We must all inherit the Kingdom of God.” Jesus Christ. You wonder if they’ll ever just let you live. Sure, they don’t care if you’re gay or whatever, but they will still be all over you about your nonexistent sex life. Obviously, you don’t talk about your natural urge to have sex with Alex. The support would be _over_.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, okay,” you say. You’re probably not going to listen to them. You don’t really remember what Corinthians 6:9 is. Oh well.

So, you get clothes, say goodbye, and leave. You hop back in Dom’s car, right next to Alex, and Dom drives off.

You pass houses and houses until you finally get to Alex’s. See, you don’t realize you’re the only one going to Alex’s house until Dom and the others drive off. But you keep your cool-- the little that you have -- and decide that, hell, if you’re going to be alone with Alex Morgan all night, you might as well not be an idiot about it.

Her house is very nice. The doors kind of remind you of church, but the inside is rather large. Contrary to your belief, she does not have a large dog. In fact, when you walk in, a small… thing attached to your left leg. It resembles a combination of a floor rag and a duster.

“Lola likes you!” Alex tells you. Alright. “Mom, dad, I’m home.” No response. They don’t really care when she gets home, do they?

You pass a picture of three girls. It looks very white-family-expensive-photoshoot. In your house, there’s a picture just like it. Except not of these people, but of you, an awkward, brace-faced sixteen year old, your beautiful older sisters, your adorable little brother, and your wonderful parents.

You assume this picture displays Alex and her siblings, but assuming is never good and you are actually quite curious anyway. “Is this you?” you ask, dog still at your ankle.

“Yeah. My sisters are there too. Jeri, Jenny, then me. Jenny’s twenty-two, Jeri’s twenty. They’re all… not here,” she says, almost bittersweetly. She whispers something incoherent after. You don’t ask. If she wanted to say it, she would have said it louder. Almost anxiously, she continues, “Let’s go out on a walk.”

“Um, Alex, can we change first?”

“Oh. Yeah, I forgot.”

She takes you up to her room, which is nicely decorated with a lot of trophies. And a picture of Megan Fox and another of Kristen Stewart. There’s other stuff, like pictures of her family, but yeah, that’s a little peculiar. Alex has a lot of school spirit; she has a pennant for Diamond Bar High right on her wall. Oh, and there are lots of trophies. Of course there are.

You don’t look at her when she’s changing. You hope she doesn’t look at you while you’re changing because you are, you know, an insecure teenager. But if she does, it’d be pretty strange.

Pajama pants, a _Harry Potter_ t-shirt, and a jacket. You’re good to go. As for Alex, it’s just black sweatpants and a Diamond Bar sweatshirt.

“Like my room?” Alex asks, not that your opinion means anything.

“It’s nice,” you reply.

“Maybe I can see your room sometime.” That could easily be considered flirting.

Your eyes widen. “Uh, yeah, maybe.” You chuckle. Your parents would probably never let you take Alex into your room.

“Let’s go on a walk,” she says, smiling. So you do.

* * *

 

You feel relaxed. Alex makes it so easy to not stammer when it’s just her around. She puts you at ease and de-stresses you. You’ve never felt like anybody wanted to hear what you had to say, they just heard it because you said it and you said it because they’d hear it. That’s not how you feel with Alex; she wants to hear what you have to say.

You never even felt this way with your best friend. Sure, Pinoe is great to talk to, but she doesn’t seem to have the same exact depth as Alex. Pinoe makes a joke about everything. Alex thinks about each word that comes out of your mouth, analyzes it like she’s in English, and ends up coming up with a thoughtful response. Even you couldn’t predict that back when you told Pinoe she was sweet.

Alex isn’t like the rest of her friends. They’re absolutely nice, but many of them act like the superficial teenagers that they’re stereotyped to be. Dom focuses on his hair and his appearance and probably how badly he wants to get into Sydney Leroux’s pants, Servando is literally one of those frat guys but in high school, and all the girls focus so much on their appearance and their status. They’re all wonderful people, but Alex just seems to be the best. Maybe it’s because she actually knows what she wants to do with her life and the rest of them just try to distract themselves from the unknown.

She has some interesting questions for you during the walk. “What did you think about tonight? Was it worth asking me?” Alex jokes.

No hesitation, you say, “Yes,” and ask, “was it worth saying yes?”

“Eh, I don’t know… Of course it was. You’re, like, really beautiful.” You blush and watch your feet and hers step in sync. “Why did you ask me? Out of all people, you probably could have chosen somebody you know better. I’m grateful, though.”

“I guess I expected you to say no and I didn’t think it would affect me at all. And you’ve been really great to me so far, so I don’t see why not.” You feel yourself being pulled closer to her, dragged by your shirt. You stop walking and so does she. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to make eye contact with you.” You give her what she wants. Her eyes are as blue as they can be, pupils dilate slightly. They’re dangerous. She smiles and loosens her grip on your shirt. “You’re so cute, oh my God.” If she wasn’t so attractive, you’d curse her for using the Lord’s name in vain.

You flash your famous, dorky smile. “Thank you.” Your heart is racing.

Alex doesn’t say anything else. She’s staring at you, then your lips. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re leaning in towards her slightly. It all happens so fast. Confidence has been key lately. The two of you close your eyes and press your lips together.

It doesn’t surprise you that she’s a good kisser. She leaves her lips on yours, but she probably tastes the fear. Alex pulls away and because she’s the prettiest girl you have ever seen, you wish she hadn’t.

“I don’t usually kiss on first dates,” she mentions, “but you were too good to pass up.”

“You said it yourself. We don’t know each other that well.” You’re on a roll, Ms. Confidence.

Alex nods. You’re afraid that you hurt her feelings after she made the decision to kiss you. “I don’t know if that’s going to stop me from having the tiniest crush on you. Or… largest.”

“We don’t--”

“Know each other that well? Toby, I know. I think we could.” Toby? What?

“I’d like that.”

Alex grins at you. “Me too. Even if you are a stranger in my chemistry class, you’re the first person who has ever really tried for me in such a good way.” She leans in and kisses you again and again and again.

Your sweet, dizzy moment is ruined when Stephen Curry walks by with his dog. You’ve talked to him at most five times in your life.

“Hey, this is a family friendly neighborhood!” he jokes. You’re only relieved that he came by because if he didn’t, you might have passed out. “I value virginity! _Ab-sti-nence!”_ He sounds like a sex ed teacher.

Alex laughs. “Go walk your damn dog, Steph.” He chuckles and walks away, simple as that.

“So I’m guessing he knows?” you ask vaguely.

She sits you down on the sloped lawn nearby and holds one of your hands. “You seem nervous about it.

“I’m not, I just-- I didn’t think people would be okay with… you know, us.”

“As in because we’re both girls or because we’re completely different?”

You scratch your head. “Well, both. I’m just freaked out that he’s fine with it. He goes to my church. Everyone there is really homophobic.” You think back to Jaelene Hinkle. Yikes.

“It’s Steph Curry, not Ronald Reagan. Of course he’s fine with it. Stop worrying so much and kiss me. Please.” Alex Morgan begging might just be what breaks you.

So you kiss her until you stop. You check your phone. It’s nearly one in the morning. Whatever. “Are you sure you’re not concerned with the fact that we’re from completely different social spheres?”

“We can just be ourselves together. I don’t care what anybody else thinks.”

“I don’t really know you,” you admit. “Tell me about yourself. Not the fake deep stuff. We just kissed, I want to know more about you, if that’s okay.”

She thinks for a minute. “I know my family loves me, but everything seemed happier before I came out. That was last summer. Things shouldn’t change that fast,” she admits. “I feel like I ruined our family. I feel like they want to accept it but they don’t know how. They’re not against it, they really support it, but I don’t think they planned to have gay daughter. And it gets worse since neither of my sisters are home anymore. It’s just my parents and me. I can’t avoid them talking about Servando. I can’t talk about any girl other than my friends because they’ll assume we’re dating. They didn’t _want_ a gay daughter, but they got one.”

Damn. That hit. Your parents need to attend PFLAG meetings. Out of all people, the liberal Alex Morgan shouldn’t have problems with this. Her parents aren’t considerably conservative, at least not to the extent of yours. But this is where the connection lies. You’re not going to let her go unsupported.

“Maybe we’re not so different.” She smiles and kisses you again. You’re in for a beautiful night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this chapter. tell me what ya thought,,, your comments and whatnot mean a lot and are greatly appreciated.


End file.
